Monday’s email was very well received by most of you. One person did complain however that it had “smutty” and “leftist” undertones. Don’t worry, he’s barred. He was only shopping for tea towels anyway.
We see it as our unholy duty to keep you not just amused but also up-to date with the latest shenanigans in the TUFAC shed. Nev has some wonderful ideas between googling for snaps of Anne Diamond in a bikini and consuming large quantities of cider in his brown Y-fronts. In this email, we’re going to give you tips on what to watch whilst imprisoned in your homes and also offer you product you wouldn’t normally buy- but at greatly reduced rates.
I can also happily confirm the TUFAC committee met yesterday by way of the interweb and they’re all alive and well. We think. Later in this email I shall listing a series of events we have lined up that involve alcohol and football we have forward-planned and that you may want to join us on. Or not.
As I wrote on Monday, we were heartbroken to postpone our ‘Party for the Partisans’. This does not mean we will not be saluting the brave men and women across Europe who fought fascism and Nazism.
At some stage this month a rather handsome pin badge is threatening to arrive at the shed. Said badge left China in January and has not been seen since. Rather like Nev’s trousers.
On the issue of Chinese made product, we will continue to purchase pin badges from China- and televisions, refrigerators and mobile telephones. However, large scale purchasing of steel will still be from the United States. Nev is building a massive bong and so doesn’t want it cracking or crashing half way through his morning “doobie.”
You may have noticed an increasing amount of pro-Partisan material on our website. TUFAC is very proud to have donated over £500 to Italian Partisan organisations to continue their fantastic work. We will continue to do so.
Although the process has been slowed down somewhat by Covid-19, we are pleased to have produced the Holger Danske t-shirt. These were the tremendous men and women that executed Nazi collaborators and also saved hundreds of lives of Danish Jews in occupied Denmark. Some of their exploits can be enjoyed in the tremendous film Flame and Citron.
Another Tshirt we will be producing is ‘O Partigiano’ which I may have spelt incorrectly.
There will also be a Radio Orange T-shirt which is not a wireless network for Protestant marching bands, but actually a salute to the Dutch penchant for the use of the wireless to undermine their Nazi occupiers’.
At the end of June we will tally up the profits from our Partisan range, buy a large crate of Birra Moretti and donate any profits to a suitable antifascist organisation.
Please do keep an eye on the shop for updates on when this product will be or when it does come available. Or better still, follow our two twitter accounts @tufac4 or @brigadistaale. You can also find us on Facebook. To you were offering a 10% discount on the range. Simply enter PARTISAN at check out.
Now, if you have got this far, here come not one, but three interesting bits of news:
Firstly, we are pleased to announce that TUFAC has produced 100 bottles of hand sanitiser to give away to a worthy cause. Being (allegedly) smutty, we have called it ‘Hand Pleasure.’ At the moment we have not got to hand where it is going, but shall keep you updated. The pressure on organisations and groups that provide services to people in distress is currently enormous so we just wanted to take the profiteering out of somebody’s hands. Needless to say, it was an expensive point to prove but happily it contains alcohol to take the stress out of the whole affair. If you wanted a bottle (you are not supposed to drink it, apparently) we have 25 for sale here at £6 per unit delivered to you (UK only we’re afraid) by early next week (virus permitting).
Secondly, we have asked those very kind people at Trade Union Pale Ale to produce for us one of their very limited edition Gins.
They have come up with a Rhubarb flavoured, 40% ABV absolute corker. “Nice with ginger ale” they inform us. The Gin is a non-profit venture limited to just 30 bottles. But it is not cheap. If you want to enquire about a bottle (UK only) please email us or send us a DM on twitter. Just a little footnote, it is top quality “boutique” Gin, which apparently justifies the price. We have called it ‘Stalingrad’ in honour of the Red Army and the men and women who spent over a year under siege before routing Hitler’s forces in 1943. What some people may not have read in their history books, is that Stalingrad was the turning point in the Second World War and opened Hitler’s forces up for a damn good hiding across the rest of the world.
Thirdly, we are absolutely delighted that Berlin based artist ‘Paul A’ (sounds like a hipster), has done for us a beautiful piece ofA3 artwork that he has commissioned us to print and sell. He has limited us to 25 copies. £5 from every sale will go to the International Brigade Memorial Trust (IBMT). The IBMT care for and educate in memory of the men and women who went to Spain to fight fascism in the 1930’s.
Paul is currently stuck at his mother in law’s house in Wigan, so he will be sending them out signed. His previous work you may also be aware of was the design of posters for Brigadista Ale.
Finally, Nev has been telling us all about his television viewing while locked down in his shed. Some of it is quite disturbing. Here is his review of last night’s romantic comedy he watched on Netflix:
Tonight’s romantic comedy was ‘Yes Man’ starring that bloke who was in that film where he played a bloke in his own world being spied on unsuspectingly.
And my mate tells me he also has herpes in real life. His co star (in ‘Yes Man’ ) is a woman I have seen in a few other films but her name escapes me. I think I love her. She may be Canadian.
In ‘Yes Man’ there is a classic one liner that goes under the radar when Norm (an incidental character) meets a bloke from corporate. Elsewhere in the film other things happen that are warm and occasionally amusing. He kisses the woman (the bloke with herpes- not Norm) which I found mildly satisfying because he is an endearing character. The character, Carl, to my knowledge does not have herpes. That’s called acting.
Elsewhere there are other things that happen too. There are no toilet scenes. I didn’t check the full credits at the end, but I can confidently predict no animals were harmed during filming. I’m confident because other than a chicken being beheaded for a KFC bucket, there were no other animals in it. So, not really a film for animal lovers, which is weird because this bloke also played a ‘Pet Detective’ in a truly shite film I saw about 20 years ago.
8/10. Netflix truly delivers