Good afternoon,
Some of you may have read the (hardly) shocking news we took last Friday off work to get bladdered and celebrate the news that President Trump’s supporters had taken up residence inside a dildo shop. What followed was a wild lockdown shed party for one with Gin, inoperable Betamax Kung Fu movies, lunchtime kebab rolls, fag butts, two-tone music, a handcrafted collection of Billy Bragg B-sides and a drunken collapse on Tiverton High Street surrounded by horny seagulls and the bemused dinner lady from the local comprehensive school.
Flags
There were reasonable FA Cup scenes over the weekend when the TUFAC Flag was on display for the tie between FC United of Manchester & Doncaster Rovers. The match was even broadcast live on the BBC. Although the Mancunians went down 1-5 in the end, they can be very proud of the way they equip themselves both on and off the pitch-namely the amazing work they carry out in the community. To celebrate the flag once more being more famous than Nev’s undergarments, we’re encouraging others to fly the flag by giving a whopping 20% discount when you order it and enter FLAGDISCOUNT at the checkout.
More Flags
We now have more flegs, potentially, than Newtonards Road with the introduction of the Orgreave Truth & Justice Campaign flag. The flag has previously been the most popular and stolen flag ever on demonstrations and so it is only right people buy their own one and stop sending the people behind the worthy campaign broke.
It’s about seven days away from landing on people’s doorsteps, so get on it!!
Big News
Those of you who follow us on twitter (@tufac4) for the great giveaways and sexy pics of yourselves are no doubt feeling tortured by DJ Marzipan continually mentioning his big news. All we can say to give the game away, is that Northern Republic items help fund his annoying behaviour.
The TUFAC Christmas card is one way of helping us help those who help others. There are ten in a pack (pus envelopes) and we can do a bigger discount on them if you want more and you get in touch.
Some New T-shirts.
As you will be aware, we do not excel at photography. Anyway, we brought out some sexy new T-shirts last week. Find them on the shop tufac.bigcartel.com
You want beer this year?
The people behind Trade Union Pale Ale have been commissioned by the Health & Efficiency sub committee to make a TUFAC Ale for Christmas. Among their other big hits have been their delicious Gins and of course the lovely initiative Brigadista Ale (pictured below), which did brilliantly before what happens to small breweries happened when big breweries get nervous.
Here comes a whinge
The issue with brewing beers for commercial consumption and not being a conglomerate, is you are crushed by supply and tied houses. Although this is mainly an English problem/phenomenon, cost effective or worthy production and distribution in the open market feels impossible, and deliberately made so. We’re not one to complain too greatly, we also enjoy the drop in beer prices for personal at-home consumption, but feel really quite aggrieved at times that in many cases people like TUPA are restricted to producing great beer for only specific occasions. I know a few of you are also really saddened their traditional Christmas curry night in the East End of London has been cancelled this year. A curry and bits for twenty quid plus £2 pints all night was never to be sniffed at. Oh well…
Now the good bit
What we have done this year is use the monies from the sales of this book (below) to underwrite some of the cost of distributing a beer brewed especially for TUFAC customers/supporters. It hasn’t made the Golden Pale Ale (apologies if we did say Indian Pale Ale in our last missive) particularly cheap, but it has lifted some of the financial burdens.
Mardy Sod
We are grateful to the author for doing this for us. It’s basically a gift to us, from the mardy little sod. This has, in effect, reduced the price of a bottle of 500ml ale (that’s just under a pint) by 35p per bottle. Cases of 12 are available (with sexy label etc, etc) for £24.60 plus a £10 delivery charge. So, it’s really no cheaper than going to the pub or Nev’s shed. As I understand it, you could probably get it delivered for free if you live in Sunderland or Newcastle, but I may be making that up.. We will do discounts for larger sales, obviously. It’s also, dare we say, a pleasant and fruity number
Buy It
We’d like you to buy it because we had you and Nev’s sister in mind when we asked TUPA to make it for us. That’s why we invested great time and endeavour in an overly expensive label for it. We also wanted to prove to ourselves that we are capable of doing most things Nike hasn’t done. That includes us not using small children to make our garments. It’s probably a bad bit of business on our behalves, but when we bed down at night, we are mildly content. And now, skint. AB will be available to offer telephone counselling and heavy breathing all next week on our usual number if you need help or advice. The number is, as always +44 07393 489103. Delivery will begin from Monday. We’ll take orders now.
New pin badges, with a special pre-sale for you
Before going on general sale, we’re giving you the opportunity to buy both the Adidas Antifascist & The Northern Republic badges together for a pre-sale for £7.50!
They’ll be £4.50 each once they are delivered!
Children in Need
Just to confirm, we’ll be contributing fuck all to this pathetic scam until the tax dodging gits behind it pay their personal taxes. Apropos, during the first UK wide lockdown, some people got in touch with a friend of ours asking if he would like to be part of an ‘artists for the NHS’ collaboration. One of the names behind the project was also one of the Panama Papers’ names. So, get to feck. We do solidarity, not charity.
Northern Republic Snood/Face Cover
Keeps your neck and jowls warm and will offend nobody. It’s also extra protection when worn with a face cover underneath. That’s worth it. We’d also like to introduce you to our new head model who’s modelling it for us. He is Brian, Nev’s twin brother. And as you can tell just from this still, he is the one with better hair and personality. They fight a lot.
You can have 10% off the snood for the next week by quoting SNOODORLOSE (who comes up with these codes?) at the checkout.
More Pin Badge Nonsense
Our pin badges are as legendary as the knife fight Nev had on the pensioners’ trip to the seaside. Problematically, for some reason the Livorno badge (pictured above) did not sell very well. We’re at a loss to explain to ourselves why. ‘Why did it not sell too well?’ we ask ourselves. Oh well. That being the case, we are reducing the price on this badge to just £3 while stocks last. The two new badges will liven up your dull lives when they arrive.
There has been a lot of alliteration, font changes, wind and crude rhymes in this otherwise magnificent missive.
Get in touch with AB
AB has asked us to ask the bloke who got in touch about his shower jacket being missing to get back in touch. I assume that is some kind of secret code between two anoraks. We thought we should show a picture of somebody wearing one. So here (below) is a bloke looking very natural doing so at a tram stop. I’m assuming he’s not the bloke AB’s looking for. That’d be daft.
That bit at the end
Just to remind you, last dates for Christmas orders are 1st December (UK and Ireland) and 18th November for everywhere else. The post is significantly slower than last year and despite the resolute efforts of postal workers, the environment will continue to dictate it remains so. We continue to strive to provide you with great products at progressive prices. We have no intention of making a profit. For this reason, we hold no stock on things like T-shirts and hoodies. Nev prints them individually in his shed for a living wage and the odd sniff of solvents.
Please be considerate of this when ordering four T-shirts, trying them on, and returning the three you don’t want. We do not recycle the returns, we stick them in the clothing bins. It’s absolutely soul destroying for those people who do the printing/packing.
Cocktails
In the absence of revolutionary backbones, we are voluntary voyeurs (except for AB, he once battered a Nazi at Motherwell Station and later set fire to a Ford Capri belonging to a casting director at the Shell service station in Romford.). As Nev says, he knows how to make a Molotov Cocktail, but at 53, he would rather drink one. Says a lot about him…
Next Year
We’re already making plans for next year, both in terms of keeping the sexy product sexy and most importantly, capable of spreading a progressive message. One of the debates we have internally is whether we should test the brand name or just keep pushing brandalised product. This debate makes absolutely no sense to me, but we’re having it. I think the basis of the discussion is that we can keep (and will still be) making Adidad and other brandalised products which everyone loves, but we can also look to make more of our own logo/branding. The first outing of this venture was the Polo shirts, where we simply had our ‘Potman’ (below) stripped down. It was a success of sorts. So, if you think it is a good idea, let us know. If not, same.
Travel Plans & Partisans Big Day Out
At the moment the committee has decided to make no further commitment to travelling to football matches next year, the sad gits. We had a plan to go to matches and get drunk, polite and lost in Italy, Germany, Ireland, Spain and Telford but there just seems no point in committing to anything at the moment. It really is soul destroying. My kids are sick of the sight of me. Hopefully we will be going to Hibs soon/ before I pass off this mortal coil. I dropped a £2 coin on the last visit. Despite the uncertainty, we do however remain committed to football, travel, Antifascism and alcohol. The offer remains, as with the wonderful but restricted visit to Cliftonville in September, that you can all join us, as long as Nev can bunk down with you.
As for Party for the Partisans, a decision will be made very soon in conjunction with the artists and venue as to whether we postpone the date again. There is simply no point pursuing the current date if people are neither comfortable or confident going forward. AB reports that once more we will make a significant loss on the accommodation because he takes the care-free and cheap booking options. He really is a fool sometimes, but I’m also conscious it was my Ford Capri he firebombed last time his herpes flared up.
Maudlin, mid-November missive
Due to furlough, depression and alcohol, this has been a depressingly longwinded email. It took three days to write because product kept getting stalled and undelivered during the writing process. Nev actually rang half way through too, querying if anyone ever sent him raunchy pics of themselves on roller skates or even better, wearing a pair of Patrick football socks. If there is anybody out there in their late forties and living by an open sports shop selling 1970’s apparel, please advise..
As we contemplate the end of the year and my own mortality, it remains for me to thank you on behalf of the committee for the past year. We have expanded from just a shed into a shed and a spare bedroom. We remain volunteers and in the main, virgins.
Once the badges, flags and beer have arrived it will not be necessary for me to bother you again with new product until such a time Kerry has completed her law degree. And I do tell thee, watching her grow from an unqualified legal counsel into a potentially qualified legal counsel, has been as painful as it could ever be imagined. The only other thing more painful was the one night I was carrying DJ Marzipan’s 7-inches into a gangster’s wedding reception at Bromford Racecourse, and the man at the door searched us at gun point for contraband Van Morrison conspiracies on vinyl.
G’night
Keep an eye on Twitter for the usual sexy stuff and giveaways, as well as DJ Marzipan’s updates about his plans. It really is Socialism or Barbarism. If we can help you or you can cure AB’s herpes, please get in touch.
Be kind to strangers and reject conspiracy theories. Bruce Willis is the only evidence you need of the magic of science.