Flag Day
Supporters/members of this list still in the EU will or should be aware that we have taken the difficult and tearful decision to cease deliveries to their countries from 16th June. The decision is based on the impossible conditions set out on internet sales less than £150 in value from July1st 2021.
Despite considerable help and advice from people on this list, we are just not able to comply with the conditions, collection of taxes, printing of forms etc, etc the new law requires. It was troublesome enough after 1st January of this year. The new conditions brought on by Brexit are the proverbial nail in the coffin. Us and dozens of others that we know of are facing the same fate. But we really are genuinely touched by those who got in touch to help and sadly, drew the same conclusions that we did. Thank you x
Dry your eyes, mate
Still, Brexit has certainly been otherwise magnificent for people that are mates or shags of Boris Johnson. And throw in how many millions of pounds have been given to other mates of the Tory party during the pandemic, you get a full picture of the parasites paradise modern Britain has truly become for the friends of those in power.
I don’t know about (all of) you, but most certainly the consensus has been down in the shed these past few weeks that the country has literally gone to shit since Prince Phillip passed away taking all that was pure, perfumed and proletarian with him.
Thank Goodness a £200m yacht is currently in production to remind us all how very down he was with the common serf. No doubt they’ll be emptying the contents of the new Royal Yacht’s shitter onto a beach near you soon. [Letter of complaint to the usual place, please-Ed]
Above: Not yet a best selling T-shirt
Extensive enquiries by the Ring Road and Borstal sub committee discovered Kerry was camping during our hour of need in the wilds of Ireland, close to a beach where she could both increase her collection of beach shells and washed up sailors. A comradely camper with considerable talents, Kerry crossed the Irish land border with nothing for company but a bowl of Skittles and a half eaten packet of Imodium. Kerry, our bidet is always at your indisposal.
Miserable
We shall keep looking at avenues, but alas, from the 16th June, there will be no more EU deliveries until we can find a way. Comrades in the EU therefore should avail themselves to a whopping 10% discount on all T-shirts we are offering until the 15th June. If you’re not in the EU and try to (understandably) avail yourself to the discount, we’ll keep the money to pay for Nev to get a knee reconstruction done privately.
Hales: A shite version of Micky Flanagan
The toll of dogging and bidet use has certainly aged Nev’s otherwise spectacular knees. In 1983 Nev trialled for Gillingham Football Club as a turnstile operator, and although he didn’t get the gig, the police report suggests he gave it everything- except the cash to the club. As an amends, he later played an enormous part in the club first seducing and then signing Derek Hales, dubbed Britain’s most miserable footballer.
In his autobiography, Hales (pictured) mentions the soft ply toilet tissues and spotless bidet at the club’s training ground as one of the main reasons he chose to sign for the third division outfit. After Hales left the ‘Gills’ Nev took the training ground dressing room away from the club and it is now in Tiverton from where he prints our T-shirts and writes the B-sides for Gary Barlow’s continued vinyl output.
D’you own any Gary Barlow vinyl? We’d love to hear from you.
The 10% discount is available when people living in the EU enter FECKBORIS at the checkout.
Beer Update
I was up at the brewery yesterday for pies and posh coffees to discuss how we can overcome the delivery problems that have blighted our vanity project. Yes, we run it at a loss and just as we were within a Nev’s knacker of breaking even, the government unlocked us like sleeping lions and sent us back into pubs and public toilets to reacquaint ourselves with glorious past times.
DJ Marzipan is back spinning discs 24/7 in Penge whilst Tom the Pervert is also back, leering over contestants playing bingo down the Darby & Joan club.
Problematically- but a welcome problem, is simply the gusto by which the beer drinking Briton has thrown themselves back into soiling pub toilets and engaging in fisticuffs outside the Beefeater in Hastings. Our brewer simply cannot keep up with the competing demands.
The second problem was a certain unnamed courier company (DHL) making light with deliveries, by either dropping or losing them entirely. Of course, we always replace missing or broken bottles, but a staggering 13% of deliveries suffered some kind of molestation and that drove our vanity to the point of project extinction. We are now investing in newer, more sturdy boxes and looking for a more conciliatory delivery service. Waterford Mick, who once crashed into a Shell Service Station tells me that “anything marked fragile gets kicked to fuck…”
Above: Sexy TUFAC baseball cap
This being the case, please be patient. As soon as we can start re delivering our beer, the sooner we can begin again ploughing monies back into the likes of IBMT etc.
Above: Alan waiting patiently for his new face cover
A New TUFAC Facemask
There’s been considerable mention on social media this past week or two of people out and about wearing their TUFAC logo face cover. We sold out of them in 2020 so it is great to see so many of you kept them and persist (as per the guidelines) in wearing it.
Our ‘friends’ (I’m using that term lightly) at O’Neills have responded by producing some new ones for us. It’s an updated version of a product that didn’t need updating. So, take a look at the sexy one pictured above and imagine it without the bit on the front and just the Lonesome Potman on each side.
It actually looks great (so where’s the picture, Neil?????) It is breathable with a polypropylene filter etc, etc and looks dead sexy, like Alan in the pic does. You can (pre) order one from us here and if you use the code ANTIFA2021 we’ll give you a 15% discount until Sunday. They’ll be ready for despatching from Friday.
For even better protection of course, get thyself a fecking jab.
Above: Sheep who refuse the vaccine
As we always say (or forget to say) if you want greater quantities of something the best way to circumvent the harrowing experience of ordering two or more of something via the online shop, is to contact the recalcitrant at the end of the TUFAC phone. Lucky listeners could get someone like Tom the Pervert which will remind you of dialling an 0898 number back in 1992 whilst the less fortunate, will sadly, get AB and sadly as a result of that, get Herpes.
A warm welcome to our American friends
I did point out in a recent (unread) missive that we now have a growing number of followers and customers in the United States of America. Over 400 emails of the last missive were opened in the USA!
If you live in America and have access to a camera, please send us a picture of yourself or a family member over the age of 25 cradling Tom Cruise’s substantial scrotum. Or better still, a Koala bear.
Also, if at any stage you find some of the language, smut or innuendo in these pointless sales exercises difficult to comprehend, simply drop us an email and Ursula (that’s AB’s sister) will endeavour to provide you with a direct translation. Ursula did her dissertation in American literature and once snogged a bloke called Toby outside the Felons’ in Belfast.
Other than that, thanks for the help in WW2. Cheque’s in the post etc, etc. But we are glad you are here x
A picture of that there badge
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Often our photography does absolutely no justice to the beauty of our products. This is why, as yet, we have not replaced French Connection in the empty show windows of Debenhams. Anyway, here is a better but in no way good enough photo of the magnificent Antifaschistische Aktion Pin badge. Buy one and get yourself beaten up at a Wetherspoons.
Debenhams Workers in Ireland
We’ve had another lovely letter from their Trade Union, Mandate. As always, we send greetings to all workers in dispute.
I should’ve put this letter in the last missive. Maybe I actually did. Who knows? The poster that helped raise funds for them is still available here. That’s £700 we have sent them so far and shall continue to do whatever we can to help. And just to reiterate, we will not let the fact we no longer sell to the the EU stop us reaching out to people anywhere in the world in struggle. It just needs, now, more people in the UK to buy more schizzle from us. If you’re planning on dying, please desist from doing so.
How do we build this brand?
Any ideas that won’t cost us money, involve nudity or get us arrested?
Begging letter to the Editor of the week
Dear TUFAC,
For some time I have really wanted one of your Northern Republic posters for our office. We are a very small and friendly family run Estate Agent based in XXXXXXX. I have looked at your website and shop I am concerned that any money raised from selling me this poster would go to fund BLM or Antifa.
Would it be possible to send me a poster and instead of paying you for it I make a donation to the RSPCA?
It would be a shame for a British charity to miss out on a donation in favour of a Marxist terrorist organisation. I look forward to your response.
Yours Sincerely,
XXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX
Our Response:
Dear Theresa,
You’re absolutely right. The money does go to ANTIFA.
Best Wishes,
Trade Union Football & Alcohol Committee.
Christmas 2021
I’m sure many of you, now the weather is perfect, are already planning for Christmas.
God knows how many times as a kid I awoke to find a new ‘uncle’ at the breakfast table after mother and her workmate Jean went to the office Christmas party.
These temporary and newly discovered Uncles never actually stayed for Christmas. These temporary, incestuous ‘uncles’ always got me wishing and hoping I’d finally get a decent Christmas present.
In fact, as soon as I heard dry humping and groaning from mother’s bedroom so I would begin writing my Christmas letter to Santa. Christmas 1984, I wrote three letters such was the expectation!!
A pregnant pause for thought
We have often through the vehicle of these missives made mention that this year, 2021, would be one by which you could set your stall. The planning and importuning sub committee have been hard at it since November last year- making plans to make Christmas 2021 better than the pointless fumble you had at your parents’ wedding.
And not only that, we actually enlisted the help of someone with previous experience so as to ensure the planning, manufacturing, labelling, storage and distribution went exactly to plan. And then he quit.
I am not at entire liberty to divulge what the goods are we will have on offer but I can tell you that one of the designers we enlisted this year is none other than a certain very talented young woman from Catalonia.
Let’s just say, currently in production is a limited edition and gourmet Christmas jumper [You just have told us!!! Ed] that we shall be taking delivery of in late August. And you, sir or madam, will want to wear this sexy jumper from the very moment your Christmas tree goes up until at the very least, Brentford are confirmed relegated.
The madness in this planning methodology is obviously so the gourmet jumper and the two other special items in planning sit in my spare room until you panic buy on December 21st- thereby ensuring your special item arrives with you by February 11th 2022.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, such was the cost and investment in the Christmas jumper we drew the conclusion that it would be impossible to even add a mark up. Either that or we’re rank amateurs and have fucked up gloriously.
Whatever happens, our Christmas range will be our gift to you. So don’t go shopping for that special person until you’ve seen what we have in store for you. And then we can debate whether we even bother with 2022 at all…..
Covering up Fascist shite
For some months now we have been funding the Belfast Brigade’s battle against encroaching fascist material and also some mad prick in Gerry’s pub who just doesn’t like us. The finance committee reports the excessive amount of stickers printed and sent could’ve fed the entire and bastard offspring of Prime minister Johnson for three months- so long as they went easy on the Caviar for Kids.
The war is never completely won against fascists, but many battles are. It would seem fascists have given up on that lamppost, but elsewhere across Britain, Ireland, Dursley and Grimsby reports persist of an extraordinary effort by Covid deniers, some even using the name and imagery of historical Antifascist groups, to spread their conspiracies, hatreds and perversions. Underlying all of these conspiracy theories is Antisemitism and other forms of racism.
As well as our regular, sexy range of stickers, for those who don’t enjoy the recreational past time of slapping stickers in phone boxes or the walls of a pub bog, we have produced the super sexy and massive COVER UP sticker so you can enjoy the deeply healing and purposeful exercise of letting the fascists know we reject their anti-science and anti intellectualism.
Prospective dates for your diary
We have inched closer to a date late September/early October for a Big Night Out in Cardiff. We just need the egg chasers to stay out of town and then we can have a good old fashioned tear up.
More Christmas Nonsense
A date not yet decided for your diary appears to be the reintroduction of the Brigadista Ales Xmas party. Those of you whom may have attended previous parties by these handsome devils in a curry house in London will recall the sheer brilliance of barmen falling down the stairs, £2 pints, massive plates of food, raucous sing songs that upset Tory party councillors seated downstairs. Such joy.
Expressions of interest shall be taken nearer the time. Booking will be essential!!
Police Spies: Stay out of lives
That bit at the end
This has been a long missive. Perhaps I should apologise. I’m hoping many of you skipped over the bits of awkward heartbreak, anxiety and loneliness. Morrisey is a detestable twat. Just stick to the discounts.
I find it hard to accept we can no longer send our wares to our friends and comrades in the EU. If we were actually enjoying the promised, tangible benefits promised by Brexiteers, it wouldn’t be so bad. And yet in every sense we are more isolated, more disliked and distrusted than at any time since Tottenham last won a major trophy.
The Tories have launched themselves headfirst into the ‘culture war’. It’s a cultural celebration of racism, jingoism and quite breath-taking stupidity.
I thought it (a culture war) would’ve been about Opera, arthouse cinema, Latin poetry and other supposed high culture they enjoy with the benefits of their greater breeding, wealth and education.
Just remember, for every racist booing at the England football match the other evening, there were ten more fans compelled to stand and applaud and drown them fuckers out.
I’m all up for a culture war. We all are at TUFAC– if we have to be. Grab your guitars, your drums, your decks and your finest poetry and lyrics. Talk about our history, sing our songs of protest. Remember Robeson and the Welsh miners. Remember Churchill is a hero and murderer too.
Talk about Connolly, Darcus Howe, Jack Charlton, Laurie Cunningham, Millicent Fawcett, Edith Cavell, Marcus Rashford, Joe Strummer, Linton Kwesi Johnson, Tony Benn. Talk about the International Brigades, Jack Jones, Don Letts, Jock Stein, Mary Seacole and Violet Gibson.
And if you want it, here’s the finest rendition of Nessun Dorma ever performed. By a black woman from Memphis.
It’s Socialism or Barbarism